Thursday, August 20, 2009

Discarding My Outer Layer

Yesterday, I forced myself to get away from the computer. Ever since I closed my business in May, I have been spending the majority of my time on this machine. I throroughly enjoy every moment because I am inspired and awed by all the creative talent I have discovered, and little by little, I am discovering my own need to express my creativity. Even so, sometimes I feel guilty becuase I think I should be doing something more productive. I should be cleaning out the clutter in my house or planning menus or doing something that fits the standards of most people's idea of being productive. I should be outside getting some exercise or doing volunteer work.

I know those thoughts come in guilt only because I fear judgment from society. I fear judgment from friends and family that I am not doing anything worthwhile. I fear they will perceive me as being lazy and think of me as a loser. Those are the negative thoughts that consume me. Even so, I feel like I am finally awakening in me a passion for something that has been stagnant for most of my life. I am discovering that I need to be creative. I can no longer deny this part of myself.

I'm still uncovering things about myself through this blogging journey. When I started this blog, I planned on using it solely as an on-line journal. Right away it went in a completely different direction. I love writing and yet somehow, this blog has turned into so much more. I am discovering that I really enjoy taking photos. I like having assignments to do. It is fun and challenging. I am by no means even close to being talented in any area yet, but through this process, I now know that I have the potential to be really great at something creative.

I am unlocking the mask that has hidden this part of me for so long. The real me is emerging and I hope that my friends and family can appreciate this side of me.

Besides, not only am I not running a business any longer, but I am taking care of my husband in the same way I always did. The only difference is I don't have the added stress of deadlines and worry about my business to take away from the quality of our relationship. I no longer snap at him or feel resentful having to do it all. Now, I can take care of him and enjoy doing it. I really do enjoy it now. I love being a housewife. But I love pleasing myself more. Expressing my creativity makes me feel alive. It's what I'm meant to do. Now, I just need to find what it is I am good at or can become great at.

I know I am great at exploring and bonding with my dog. Yesterday, I drove to Laughlin and took Sasha for a dip in the Colorado River. She enjoyed the refreshing, cool, clean water, but she did not appreciate it when a jet ski sped by and caused waves to splash her in the face.
Isn't she cute? She'll be 14 years old in December.
I captured this photo of the sun reflecting on the water. I had a really great time with my dog yesterday. It definitely was rejuvenating.


  1. There will be time for volunteer work in the future. It seems that right now you need some time to discover or re-discover yourself.

  2. Great post J! Taking care of your family is a very important job in life. It should not be taken lightly. Dont be so hard on yourself. And who gives a damn what anyone thinks?? Its your life and you have one shot at it. Live it your way without regrets. I'll be here for you.
    I love your dog. Tell me more! Husky? I have 2 wolf hybrids.

  3. Sasha is beautiful! My Xena loves the water, too. She will be 12 in October. We had her at the lake and, same as Sasha, as soon as the waves got into her mouth, she made a U-turn and headed to shore!
    Lovely photos!

  4. You will never have to fear judgement from me, JarieLyn! As a housewife of over 2 years,I completely understand where you are coming from. Being happy & healthy is the most important thing you can do!

  5. Oh, the water looks so refreshing and I understand what a day with just your dog can do for you. The mental relaxation with animals is amazing. By the way, thanks for your kind words on my blog, they are really appreciated.

  6. I think that what you are doing is great. I haven't read a full blog in a long while now...i've been consumed with things...and this one was a joy to read.

  7. I think you are great at taking pictures. I also think that it is great to enjoy yourself in anything you do. Taking care of husband, home and a 14 year old dog is a wonderful full time job. Why don't you join me in Sunday Stills and Saturday Photo~Hunter. They are easier than the Friday shoot out. You just go and see what the topic is and if you feel like playing along that week then you just post on that blog that day and say that you posted the subject. You can post one picture or as many as you want and if you don't have time to shoot then you don't post that you have. On my side bar you'll find the sites under my bloggin friends. You are good and this is another fun way to be creative with your photography.

  8. we do best with what we have a passion for....I think you are on a great path !



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