Thursday, April 22, 2010
Someone Else's Life
Sometimes I have to remind myself to be thankful for all that I have.
I have a tendency to daydream about a life that I wish I had
instead of living the life of my reality.
I have a really great husband who provides very well for me
and supports me in my endeavours.
He works really hard and he's honest and faithful and I trust him completely.
I'd say we have a pretty good marriage.
I wonder if he's really happy.
I think maybe I don't love him with the passion that he deserves.
that makes me feel really sad
because I do love him
and I want to be an excellent wife.
There must be something wrong with me
if I'm always dreaming of another life.
I've been questioning this for over ten years.
Can you believe it?
This other life I keep dreaming about haunts me as if I have lived it before
and I am longing to live that life again
and feel that passion .
Sometimes certain situations make my heart feel like it has been stabbed.
I expreienced that earlier this evening which prompted this post
but I cannot write about all that haunts me like a ghost
and taunts me like the betrayal of an ex lover.
I don't know if any of you believe in reincarnation and past lives
but I do
and that's what this post is all about.
I know what I'm saying doesn't make sense to most of you
and I probably sound like I was just released from the looney bin
but I just had to get some of this out because If I didn't write it here
it would have unleashed itself elsewhere in a much more negative way
and that is what I'm trying to avoid.
It's as if what is occuring has happened to me before in a former life
and it caused unbearable heartbreak
that was devastating.
I don't know where this is coming from but I feel that heartbreak deep inside my soul.
It's as if history is repeating itself and I don't know how to change the outcome.
I feel the spirit or soul of another living inside of me
and sometimes the pain is gut wrenching.
I'm frustrated a lot because no one believes me.
They think this is just some fantasy that I dreamed up.
I am sorry to leave out so many details but I don't think it's necessary at this time.
It would be nice if just one person understood where I was coming from
and could validate my experience so I don't go around thinking I'm crazy.