Someone Else's Life

 

Sometimes I have to remind myself to be thankful for all that I have.

I have a tendency to daydream about a life that I wish I had

instead of living the life of my reality.

I have a really great husband who provides very well for me

and supports me in my endeavours.

He works really hard and he's honest and faithful and I trust him completely.

I'd say we have a pretty good marriage. 

BUT

I wonder if he's really happy.

And

I think maybe I don't love him with the passion that he deserves.

And

that makes me feel really sad

because I do love him

and I want to be an excellent wife.

There must be something wrong with me

if I'm always dreaming of another life.

I've been questioning this for over ten years.

Can you believe it?

This other life I keep dreaming about haunts me as if I have lived it before

and I am longing to live that life again

and feel that passion .

Sometimes certain situations make my heart feel like it has been stabbed.

I expreienced that earlier this evening which prompted this post

but I cannot write about all that haunts me like a ghost

and taunts me like the betrayal of an ex lover.

I don't know if any of you believe in reincarnation and past lives

but I do

and that's what this post is all about.

I know what I'm saying doesn't make sense to most of you

and I probably sound like I was just released from the looney bin

but I just had to get some of this out because If I didn't write it here

it would have unleashed itself elsewhere in a much more negative way

and that is what I'm trying to avoid.

It's as if what is occuring has happened to me before in a former life

and it caused unbearable heartbreak

that was devastating.

I don't know where this is coming from but I feel that heartbreak deep inside my soul.

It's as if history is repeating itself and I don't know how to change the outcome.

I feel the spirit or soul of another living inside of me

and sometimes the pain is gut wrenching.

I'm frustrated a lot because no one believes me.

They think this is just some fantasy that I dreamed up.

I am sorry to leave out so many details but I don't think it's necessary at this time.

It would be nice if just one person understood where I was coming from

and could validate my experience so I don't go around thinking I'm crazy.