Thursday, April 22, 2010

Someone Else's Life

 
Sometimes I have to remind myself to be thankful for all that I have.

I have a tendency to daydream about a life that I wish I had

instead of living the life of my reality.

I have a really great husband who provides very well for me

and supports me in my endeavours.

He works really hard and he's honest and faithful and I trust him completely.

I'd say we have a pretty good marriage. 

BUT

I wonder if he's really happy.

And

I think maybe I don't love him with the passion that he deserves.

And

that makes me feel really sad

because I do love him

and I want to be an excellent wife.

There must be something wrong with me

if I'm always dreaming of another life.

I've been questioning this for over ten years.

Can you believe it?

This other life I keep dreaming about haunts me as if I have lived it before

and I am longing to live that life again

and feel that passion .

Sometimes certain situations make my heart feel like it has been stabbed.

I expreienced that earlier this evening which prompted this post

but I cannot write about all that haunts me like a ghost

and taunts me like the betrayal of an ex lover.

I don't know if any of you believe in reincarnation and past lives

but I do

and that's what this post is all about.

I know what I'm saying doesn't make sense to most of you

and I probably sound like I was just released from the looney bin

but I just had to get some of this out because If I didn't write it here

it would have unleashed itself elsewhere in a much more negative way

and that is what I'm trying to avoid.

It's as if what is occuring has happened to me before in a former life

and it caused unbearable heartbreak

that was devastating.

I don't know where this is coming from but I feel that heartbreak deep inside my soul.

It's as if history is repeating itself and I don't know how to change the outcome.

I feel the spirit or soul of another living inside of me

and sometimes the pain is gut wrenching.

I'm frustrated a lot because no one believes me.

They think this is just some fantasy that I dreamed up.



I am sorry to leave out so many details but I don't think it's necessary at this time.

It would be nice if just one person understood where I was coming from

and could validate my experience so I don't go around thinking I'm crazy.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Monday, April 19, 2010

Authentically Me

Authentically me. 
Sometimes I wonder what it really means to be authentically me.

I do my best to portray my true self to others.

And then sometimes I think I am only showing them the parts of me that I think they want to see.

I'm not sure I'm living my truth because I think if I were my life would seem more in balance.

I wouldn't be questioning my choices so often.

I dig deep to find the answers to my questions.

I seek validation and I never get it.

Maybe I'm seeking validation from the wrong source.

I should not seek validation from anyone accept myself.

I think maybe I am more afraid of seeing myself for who I really am

than I am of letting others see who I am.

Authentically me.

I'm a work in progress striving to reach my full potential.

I am searching for love that doesn't exist accept within myself.

I'm a little sad today.

Even though I look back with negative feelings,

I replace those with forgiveness.

 And I  look ahead with optimism, hope, faith and happy dreams

because the part of me that is authentic is the me that still believes in fairy tales.

Friday, April 16, 2010

FMTSO: ONE PHOTO THAT MAKES ME SMILE

Thanks Kerry for choosing this week's theme for the Friday My Town Shoot Out.

We are to choose just ONE photo that makes us smile.

First, there are many things and many photos that make me smile.

Ben Stiller's facial expressions make me smile and chuckle out loud.

But I don't know him so I can't produce a photo of him.

And then......

there is my dog, who I think is a riot.
 

I get such a kick out of her and I smile alot just watching her play or shake or roll around in the grass.

I was going to post one of her because I have so many that make me smile.

I had the perfect one in mind too.

But

I decided to stick more with a town photo than a personal photo.

So without further ado

here is the photo that produces a winning smile from me.


This photo makes me smile because it looks like she's first in line

to get into the bar and go dancing.

I used to be first in line and the last one to leave.

I just love it.

To see more photos that make you smile click here.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Through the window of the old general store


I took this photo yesterday in Cima California
while on a field trip with my camera club.

We went chasing wild flowers but the wind was blowing so hard
that it really wasn't the best time to take photos of flowers.

There were lots of old shacks and weathered buildings in the area
which is what I am most passionate about photographing anyway.

If there is a heaven for being in a time warp
that's where I was.

The photo above is a window of an old general store.

The coca cola refrigerator in the window is what attracted me to this building.

I really love this photo a lot.



Sunday, April 11, 2010

Tick Tock


Lately, I've had my head in the clouds.

I've been preoccupied with so many different things.

In addition to being really super busy with my camera club,
I've been distracted by thoughts about life in general.

My mind is focused on the connections I have with the people I love.
I've been thinking about how easy it is to take them for granted
and how time is like a thief in the night.

Tick Tock
Tick Tock

The hand of time keeps on moving.
It robs us of precious moments while we're not looking
and when we finally take notice
it's almost too late.

We do what we can to replace those stolen moments
all the while berating ourselves for the shoulda, coulda, would haves.

Time marches on and we step in line and march right along with it
making the most of the second and third and fourth chances that time has given back to us.

Tick Tock
Tick Tock.

Time is a contradiction.
It moves so slowly yet goes by so fast.

Time.

We all must make our own moments count
because if we don't,
 we'll regret missing out on some really amazing connections.



Saturday, April 10, 2010

MTFSO: Desert Country Roads

I really love driving down country roads and through the countryside.

Unfortunately, I live in the desert and for me,

the back roads here aren't really representative of what I call country roads.

Driving through the country or out in the middle of nowhere in the desert

doesn't present the passerby with views of farms or cows or horses.

There are no meadows of green grass and cute little critters grazing in its bounty.

It's very rare to see a tractor in operation.

There are no crops to be harvested or land to be plowed. 

However, when driving through our desert country roads it is quite common to see old mines.



It is also very common to see wild burros.


Sometimes, the burros venture into the nearby town.

This baby burro was comfortable relaxing in the street, ignoring all the tourists walking by.


He even allowed a few people to give him rubs.


In the desert, if you look up you will see birds circling the vast space looking for their next prey.
Sometimes, there are nice surprises that you just didn't expect to find in the middle of the desert.

A little piece of history that may perhaps be gone the next time this road is traveled.

Discovering these gas pumps in the middle of the desert was awesome.
And then there is always that old truck that seems to be everywhere.

It may not be the same exact truck but take me on a drive anywhere and I'll spot one of these for you.


Well, that's the end of my road for now folks.

I hope you enjoyed the ride.

Click here to see more country roads.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Friday My Town Shoot-Out: Bokeh

This week's theme is Bokeh.
For those of you who don't know what bokeh means here is the definition as dictionary.com describes it:
A Japanese term for the subjective aesthetic quality of out-of-focus areas of a photographic image.

I'm still not sure if my photos represent true bokeh, but here's my best shot.

Click on each image to enlarge.










To participate in our group click here.

Thanks for stopping by.

I've had a busy week with my Mother-in-law visiting.

I will be catching up on all your blogs after the weekend.

I haven't forgotten about you and I am still greatly inspired and lucky to be a part of something so great.

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